March 4th, 2020 Tony and I went in for a 10 week ultrasound and found out we had a Blighted Ovum which is a type of Miscarriage.. To say we were disappointed the day we found out we had a miscarriage is an understatement. But, we know that the Lord has other plans for us. We know that one day, in His timing, we will have beautiful healthy babies. We cannot wait for that day to come but in the meantime I want to share with you what nobody shared with me.
Every 1 out of 4 women has a miscarriage. Who knew it was so common. When I first found out I was pregnant I started doing all the research and found that if you have a miscarriage there is nothing necessarily wrong with your body, this is actually very normal unfortunately. There is always that possibility in which help is needed but not all the time. In our case, I had a fibroid growing inside of my uterus between the actual wall of the uterus itself. Now, the miscarriage could have just been a fluke but more than likely I'm thinking that is what caused it and that is a whole other story.
There are not very many women who talk about the totality of a miscarriage and everything that comes with it. If you haven’t had one, Did you know that there is way more than just 1 type of miscarriage? Did you know that when you have a miscarriage it is physically painful and can put you out? It was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced and is comparable, they say, to labor pains. Men, don't take that lightly. If, God forbid, this happens to you and your family, give your spouse empathy and love because holy cow. It feels like the hulk is coming out of your uterus.
After losing my dad (moving out of the country) losing my step-father and brother, losing close friends to me, and my mom moving across the country It seemed as though I was eventually going to lose more and more people. Whether it be from moving or death. When I found out I had a miscarriage I played the blame game. Questioning everything and wondering why things have to be so difficult. I feel like there is always something “weird” happening in my life. But it made me stop and think about how blessed I am.God always provides and through all the difficult times He grows me and makes me a stronger woman and wife. I can say that with confidence because I am not who I used to be.
During this time in our life I have experienced being Tony's wife in a whole new light. For a few weeks he had to step in a lot and do the household things that I normally do. He did it all with NO complaints. He was compassionate with me and understanding when days were hard and I burst into tears randomly asking him for answers he has no clue of. I got to see the father he is going to be and the kindness & empathy that he'll show. The way he talks about what kind of dad he can’t wait to be and the morals he hopes that our kids stick to as they grow. I cannot wait to have babies with him. I am so blessed beyond words with this man and am so excited to continue to grow with him.
Thank you for taking time out to read this. I truly hope it makes women who have been through this feel not so alone. I will definitely be doing a more informative post soon on my personal experience of the miscarriage and the surgery I had to have because of the fibroid. It is a doozy and I can't wait to share it with y'all. Talk soon!